Providing care for an ageing or ill parent can put a significant strain on sibling relationships. A\u00a0survey commissioned by the Alzheimer\u2019s Association<\/a>\u00a0found that more than half (61%) of carers felt that they didn\u2019t get the support they needed from their siblings and it affected their relationship.<\/p>\n
Having different perceptions of the need of the parent can cause conflict between siblings. This affects each sibling\u2019s idea of the most appropriate course of action to take in order to care for their parent. For example, one sibling may think that their parent can manage at home with the assistance of their children and other in-home care, while the other may think assisted living is more appropriate. In some cases, guilt can be a major factor that affects this decision. If one sibling lives further away or is unable to contribute to providing care for their parent, they may be more overbearing with their opinions. There are professional guidance services available that can help to minimise this type of conflict by giving families an idea of the level of care that is needed and offering realistic solutions to their situation. This is known as care management<\/a> and a health provider may be able to refer you to these services.<\/p>\n
The roles involved in caregiving are very rarely split completely equally between siblings. According to\u00a0the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP<\/a>, the average family caregiver is a 49-year-old woman. An adult daughter is most often responsible for the majority of the care for a parent and will often spend around 20 hours a week caregiving. If other siblings are not pulling their weight or showing their appreciation the sibling doing the majority of the work may start to feel resentment towards them. Caregivers who do not feel appreciated have more problematic relationships with their siblings<\/a>.<\/p>\n
All too often, siblings argue over money. This conflict can be intensified when considering dividing up the share of caring. Arguments can arise as a result of a long-term issue, such as how assets are expected to be divided in a parent\u2019s will or can be in relation to the costs associated with caring. In many cases, the sibling who is the primary carer of the parent will use their own money to pay for things that they need to care for their parent, such as groceries, cleaning products, and excursions. When doing this regularly, costs can significantly add up and can reach around $7,000 a year, according to an AARP report. Conversely, the parent may give more gifts and spend more on the child who is caring for them more, which can aggravate their siblings.<\/p>\n
If siblings are spending their time arguing over money, they may lose sight of what is in the best interest of their parents. Seeking expert help, for example from a financial planner, elder lawyer or professional mediators can help. A professional can give objective advice about the current situation as well as provide information about the costs the family is likely to incur as a result of long term care and how to plan ahead. It can be useful for the entire family together with this third party to discuss all of these matters.<\/p>\n
If you are the primary carer for an elder relative, the Compassionate Touch\u00ae<\/a> course may be of interest to you. It combines skilled touch with compassionate presence to enhance the quality of life and reduce the need for medication. Alternatively, if you need some time out to focus on yourself, check out Ageless Grace\u00ae.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"